Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
