Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
