My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
