So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
