3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
