You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
