i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
