you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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