ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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