she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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