So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
