my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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