My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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