you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
