matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
