he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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