I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
