HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You work out of a Hotel?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
