hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
