just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
