I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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