Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
