Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
