He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
