Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
