Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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