Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
