We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
