sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
