Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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