She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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