Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
