my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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