My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
