soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
