who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
