How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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