I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
