Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
