I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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