I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
