My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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