just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
