If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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