I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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