I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
