I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
