Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
