An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
