I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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