Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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