i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
