Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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