Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My liver just broke up with me...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
